My inner work for this week is another biggie!
I’m starting to discover that I am one bloody giant onion – so many layers to unravel.
This week in couples therapy, which Leet and I regularly engage in not because we are on the brink but because we are seriously invested in being our best selves for each other, Katie asked me to let Leeton take the lead in the relationship for the week.
I had a mini internal panic attack and then burst into tears
Until that moment I hadn’t ever acknowledged just how terrifying it is for me to not be in control of us
And further to that just how much of my making sees leading as controlling and authoritarian
The second she mentioned him taking the lead – I didn’t visualise a healthy exchange – I went straight to male domination over women and a panic at a thought of going back there.
I have this perception of most men as being domineering arseholes.
I am well aware of this and I apologise to my friends when I judge their partners often with a ‘don’t take this personally please this is my shit to work through’
I can handle husbands if their wives are taking the lead, if they appear submissive or comfortable with their wives empowerment but in the reverse when a woman is comfortable with her mans leadership I freak out- oh God does my mind go to some terrible places
And I struggle so much here.
How do I balance this?
How do I honour that one woman a week is murdered by her partner here in Australia and one in four are abused and still witness masculinity as anything but terrifying.
Because logically I know full well it’s not all men.
Three out of four women aren’t abused.
And a healthy relationship allows space for men to lead too.
Because leadership is not what I see it as.
It’s not dominance, it’s not abuse of power, it’s not tyranny.
That’s actually the shit I’ve been pulling off in my relationship in fear of my beautiful husband over powering me.
Real leadership is respectful, vulnerable, decisive and heart led.
Exactly the sauce my husband is made of.
I feel like as a woman’s movement we most certainly need to shout from the roof tops the importance of women’s empowerment.
How unacceptable the statistics are.
But we don’t get to do this while castrating or emasculating men.
My inner work this week is finding a place to respect the good men.
Free them from the shame they carry at having a penis in this day and age where everyone is pointing fingers at them for 25% of arseholes out there.
If we can put our energy into raising up the good 75% we all get to win.
The way I’ve been playing this game is to energetically squash them all.
Carry my abusers with me through life and make sure every man is viewed through the same lens.
This week my work is to say no more.
And let my beautiful man lead without seeing it as something I’m going to lose but rather all the beautiful connection and mutual respect I’m about to gain.